Guest Post: Carrie Harris
Thanks to The Teen Book Scene for organizing this tour!
Author of Bad Taste in Boys, Carrie Harris, is stopping by today for a guest post. If you want to know more about Bad Taste in Boys, here is the synopsis below:
Kate Grable is horrified to find out that the football coach has given the team steroids. Worse yet, the steroids are having an unexpected effect, turning hot gridiron hunks into mindless flesh-eating zombies. No one is safe–not her cute crush Aaron, not her dorky brother, Jonah . . . not even Kate!
She’s got to find an antidote–before her entire high school ends up eating each other. So Kate, her best girlfriend, Rocky, and Aaron stage a frantic battle to save their town. . . and stay hormonally human.
Carrie’s Top Ten Vampire Stalker Powers
Vampire stalkers have been popping out of the YA woodwork over the past few years, and I have to be honest—I don’t understand the attraction. It’s creepy, but more to the point, what do you get in return? Sure, he’s got the face of an angel and he can sparkle upon request, but how useful is THAT? If a vamp is going to stalk me, he’d better be USEFUL.
So, without further ado, I give you a list of the supernatural requirements I have for any prospective undead creepers.
1. Glow in the dark – Forget the sparkles. If you’re going to stalk me, you’d better be a bloodsucking nightlight. First off, I’ll know where you are in the middle of the night just in case I need to check to see if there’s something hanging out of my nose. Plus, it’s handy for when I need to go to the bathroom after lights out.
2. Magnetic – I’m constantly dropping earring backs on my carpet. A magnetic vampire stalker would save me a good 20 minutes a week doing the carpet crawl. Of course, that assumes that my earring backs are made out of real metal, but if you’re willing to buy the notion of a vampire stalker in the first place, you’ve got to be willing to suspend disbelief on the metal content of my jewelry.
3. Portable power source – A thunderstorm just came through, and we had a momentary power outage. It happens all the time, so you’d think I’d remember to put the backup batteries into my alarm clock. But nooooo. So it would be really nice to have an undead backup power source for times like that. I’d say he could also jump my car when the battery dies, but I drive a van named Helsing, and he might have a problem with that.
4. Fizz finger – I’m addicted to Dr. Pepper, but I hate it when it goes flat. I’d totally let a vampire stalk me if he could recarbonate my drinks with the power of his mind. Or finger. Whatever.
5. Vacuum breath – I’m not the best at cleaning under my bed. But if my vampire stalker sucked up dust bunnies, I’d let him hide down there any time. He might pick up some of my earring backs in the process. BONUS.
6. Good hair day bestower – Know how genies bestow wishes? Well, I don’t need that. But I’d totally be down with vampire stalkdom if his smile made my hair curl. Like, literally.
7. Sharpened pencil radar – It’s inevitable—I can never find a pencil when I need one. How handy would it be to have a vampire that emits high pitched beeping noises when standing close to an operational writing implement? VERY HANDY.
8. Cybernetic arm – Speaking of losing things, I’m always locking my keys in the house (like, this morning) and getting packages from people who go a little whack-a-ding-hoy with the packing tape. Wouldn’t it be handy to be able to say, “Hey, vamp boy! Whip out that swiss army arm of yours and open this box!” Alternately, he could conjure up the tools with the power of his mind, but then I wouldn’t get to say that witty thing about the swiss army arm, and that would be a shame.
9. Laser eyeballs – It would be really cool if the vamp could shoot lasers out of his eyes a la Cyclops, wouldn’t it? I’d never have to shovel snow again. And when someone nearly runs me over on the street, he could laser etch the word “boob” on their back bumper. That’ll teach ‘em.
10. Loser repellant – I will never understand why I attract the losers. But if he thinks he’s a werewolf/just got out of jail/works for the mob/has a pair of elf ears, he’ll be instantly attracted to me. I’d very much appreciate a vampire who generates a no-loser zone in a five foot radius around his body.
So. If you happen to know a vampire that beeps in the presence of writing implements, has paper clips stuck all over his body, wears red tinted glasses to avoid blowing holes in walls, and glows green when you turn out the lights, please refer him to me. Because that’s a heckload more attractive than sparkles, if you ask me.
What powers would you like YOUR vampire stalker to have?
Thanks for stopping by, Carrie!